Successful marriages look sweet, and married couples always look happy, but do you know the sacrifice behind the joy? Studies show that many people enter into a marriage with different visions of the relationship they keep hidden until time reveals otherwise.
Some common mistakes that lead to broken marriages are easily avoidable if you look at the right places. The secret behind a happy and cohesive family is avoiding the common mistakes that alter family dynamics, leading to disagreements. Even if you are an amazing person, the chances are that making the simplest of errors, for example, poor financial decisions can entirely jeopardize your marriage.
Still, mistakes in marriage are normal, although some faults and misunderstandings endanger the relationship, especially if they are repeated constantly and in the long term. We are not saying that you shouldn’t make mistakes, but it’s crucial to understand some everyday bad habits you or your partner can make that can potentially harm your current or upcoming marriage.
Learning about these mistakes presents you with an opportunity to perform better in marriage. Here is more on the kind of behavior to avoid for a successful and fulfilling marriage.
- Common Marriage Mistakes to Avoid
- 1. Marrying for the Wrong Reasons
- 2. Lacking Individual Identity
- 3. Unrealistic Expectations
- 4. Negativity in The Relationship
- 5. Inconsistent Intimacy
- 6. Hiding Finance Details
- 7. Giving Other People Too Much Space in Your Marriage
- 8. Talking About Past Problems
Common Marriage Mistakes to Avoid
1. Marrying for the Wrong Reasons
We have all heard many cases of broken marriages where spouses entered the marriage commitment for financial reasons dubbed “marrying for money.” Take it from us that marrying for money can be a direct ticket to a fast divorce.
Avoid comparing bank accounts to validate a reason for marriage. Many divorced women will tell you that their marriage problems were born from the very beginning, with rants that “everyone expected a happily ever after for us” or “we spent a lot on our wedding” and things like “our dream home was already built.”
Material wealth can be a factor for marriage, considering the world we live in, but it shouldn’t be the only factor to consider. This goes hand in hand with considering someone’s looks before taking enough time to understand their personality. Remember, until you say “I do,” there is always the chance to say “I don’t!”
2. Lacking Individual Identity
Your relationship remains unhealthy if either of the spouses is the codependent partner. Even for a Christ-centered couple, lacking individual identity in that you crave your interests in the relationship or lack the opportunity for self-expression outside the coupledom leaves you “couple dumb.”
For a marriage to thrive, you need someone you are comfortable doing things with. You do not want to feel like a puppet or a stranger with your partner. If you cannot recall your tastes in music, films, or food after you marry, you are probably in too deep. This leaves you feeling like you are constantly drowning for a reason you do not understand.
To avoid this, open up to your partner and give yourself a chance of self-scrutiny.
3. Unrealistic Expectations
Another mistake many people make when entering marriages is expecting too much good from their partners. You should understand that flowers and romantic dinners will not always characterize the marriage.
There will be hard days and tough times.
These days will call upon sacrifices in time, your likes, and even emotions. It’s not always easy to compromise, and life together can become bumpy.
Some people have trouble accepting that their spouses will change along the way. Failing to accept your spouse leads to frustration and constant resentment, especially when you try to change them. You will have your partner feeling angry and thinking that they are never perfect enough for you. Here is where we draw the line; no one wants to feel like someone’s DIY project!
There needs to be honest communication and you need to realize that your spouse is not perfect. Also, it doesn’t mean that your commitment is flawed. No one is perfect, and the sooner this sinks in, the faster you set free unrealistic fantasies and expectations.
4. Negativity in The Relationship
Negativity is perhaps one of the worst mistakes in committed relationships. There are disagreements in all marriages, but the key is finding a solution positively. Allowing negativity to overcome your situation leaves the couple lost in the dark abyss of conflict.
When angry, sometimes you forget the discussion subject. All you remember is that words were said, threats made, and just like that, the situation takes on a different path before your eyes.
Some negative behaviors constitute insults, criticism, slamming doors, name-calling, threatening to leave, giving hints for divorce, eye-rolling, sending nasty texts, mocking, accusing, and the silent treatment. Whether physical or emotional, negative behavior is utterly unacceptable for a healthy marriage to thrive.
Here is a key takeaway: when apologizing, say “I’m sorry” and do not add a “but…” which then negates your apology in the first place. This leads to recurrent conflict and poor communication, which makes it challenging to coexist together.
5. Inconsistent Intimacy
This mistake is committed subconsciously, especially by couples married for quite a while or those whose lives get busier by the day due to work or kids.
When a lot is going on in your life, it’s easy to ignore intimacy as a priority in a marriage. The result is that the couple becomes distant and disconnected, and they slowly depart from each other subconsciously.
No matter the duration of your marriage or the number of distractions surrounding you, you have to maintain intimacy with your partner. Apart from sex, intimacy involves planning regular date nights and giving each other constant sweet and physical gestures, like kisses before parting in the morning and deep, sincere hugs to show your spouse how much you missed them after a long day.
6. Hiding Finance Details
This is a common mistake that has caused many failed marriages. If you are not entirely open about your spending habits and financial situation, it will most likely end in a disagreement. For example, the wife might hide her extravagant shopping lists from trips, or the husband might invest large chunks of money into a venture and be silent about it.
Money issues are among the top causes for divorce, and not enough can be said about how much being transparent and honest with your spouse is crucial for the marriage. Thus, even in a financial crisis, make the monetary issue open and hopefully come to a mutual resolution.
7. Giving Other People Too Much Space in Your Marriage
Some marriages seem to involve the husband and wife and their parents, in-laws, best friends, and even bosses, dogs, the mailman, etc.
It’s nice to have a reliable support system in case of a problem, but when it turns out that these people are micromanaging the relationship and controlling it to make it more complicated, it’s time to turn things around.
Therefore, before including third parties in the marriage, you and your spouse need a cup of coffee to set boundaries about external involvement. For example, you can choose not to tell other people about your internal conflicts in the marriage whatsoever.
8. Talking About Past Problems
Sometimes in marriages, when resolving current issues there is a temptation to shift focus to past problems. Maybe, the couple has a grudge, and they feel like it stemmed from a past bad habit. Either way, this only makes the argument inefficient and unconstructive.
It’s advisable to focus on the issue faced today and deal with it as is, rather than dragging previous conflicts into the new skirmish. This helps you avoid fighting about a similar topic over and over in the future.
What causes most marriages to fail?
Most marriages fail when there is a loss of interest in a partner. If you are not connected physically and emotionally, the most important factors about your spouse, like their personality, character, and intelligence, pass you by, and your marriage succumbs to constant problems.
What are the sins of a failing marriage?
A failing marriage is characterized by too much fighting and arguments. If one of the spouses continually shows disrespect for the other, it could signify a failing marriage. Marriages, where communication is no longer meaningful and productive, could also be on the verge of failing. The same is the case with decreased physical intimacy that goes for an extended period.
What’s the hardest year of marriage?
Studies show that the most challenging years of marriage are the first couple of years. This is mainly for people getting married for the first time. Later on, 5-7 years into the marriage is the time when most divorces occur.
What is the #1 cause of divorce?
Lack of intimacy is the most common cause of divorce in recent times. This can be physical or emotional intimacy and doesn’t always involve sex. It’s closely followed by the lack of equality, where one partner feels like they take the most responsibility for the marriage.
Is it worth ending a marriage over a husband’s infidelity?
This depends on the depth of the betrayal, other children involved, his feelings for other women, and more. Still, if you can agree to settle for an open relationship, there is no need to end the relationship. Many people exist in open relationships and are happy families.