How to Communicate With Your Spouse Without Fighting

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Are you tired of all the fighting and screaming every time you and your spouse try to talk about important issues? Does it seem like there is no way to communicate with your spouse without fighting about anything that affects your lives?

Luckily, there are ways a couple can talk about things without fighting about it and screaming at each other. However, it will take some effort from both parties to become successful communicators inside a relationship in order to find peace and quiet and a solution to the issues. When your conversation about difficult topics becomes too much it is important to understand some ways to keep the conversation focused and constructive.

Read with us through these methods of how to successfully communicate with your spouse without getting into a fight with them. Need some reminders of how to grow together after a fight? Check out this article.

Why Do People Who Love Each Other Fight?

This is a question every one of us who has picked a fight with a spouse asks ourselves at some point. It is part of human nature to disagree, and we are different people with different opinions and personalities that are trying to live peacefully.

Even if you love your spouse, there will come times that you do not agree about certain things in life. You may also get irritated with them because of habits they have or the way they do things that are different from you.

Regardless, there are ways to resolve conflict without screaming at each other or going for each other’s throat to make your point.

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Let It Go

This is something that is much easier said than done, but it is one of the best things to do in a relationship. Those small things about the other partner that annoy us so much can be the reason why larger conflicts do not get resolved.

It still is important to speak up about those small things that annoy us about the other person so that they can work on it, but that is the extent of it. Do not fight about it every time the other person does something that annoys you.

Remember that you also have small habits that annoy them, so you need to allow them to tell you what about you annoys them, as well. After you have talked about those little annoying habits, you should let it go so that it does not result in bigger issues.

Do Not Allow Resentment To Form

Not talking about something that bothers you until it becomes resentment is a dangerous thing to do. The longer you hold it in, the more powerful the emotions around that issue become, and it may result in an outburst.

We all know what happens when the outburst comes. You almost always say things you will regret later. The problem is that those things you say are meant to hurt, and that is exactly what they will do: hurt your spouse.

Address those issues as soon as they occur in a calm and controlled manner so that they can be resolved before they turn into larger problems. Understanding anger and resentment are common issues in a relationship is a big step in letting those feelings go.

“Holding on to grudges is the biggest bear for my coaching clients who want to communicate without fighting” – Rachel McAffee

Stay Focused

The problem with talking things out is that it can sometimes turn into losing focus and fighting about other things. The best thing you can do is write it down so that you do not go off course and talk about irrelevant things.

When you and your spouse sit down to talk about a certain issue, that is what you should talk about. It is easy to get off track and start talking about other things, but refrain from that and make it an issue for another time.

If you write the problem out, you can read it back to yourself and find a better way to word it so that it will not offend your spouse. This will also help improve communication and make it a two-way channel for solving problems without getting off track.

Keep It To Just One Or Two Problems

When you start talking about issues that need attention, do not overwhelm your spouse with 10 or 20 other issues you have. It is important to focus on just one or two issues at a time so that they can focus on them and resolve them one at a time.

Do not give in to the urge to name all the issues you want to talk about. There will be time for that later on. If you bring too many things to the conversation, your spouse may miss the point of the issue, and it may not get sorted out.

Keep it simple and talk about one problem at a time so that you and your spouse can have time to work it out. This will be much more appreciated than you going off about all their shortcomings and making them feel inferior and like a failure.

Talk About It Now

Do not tell your spouse that you will talk about it later. This will give them too much time to think about it. When they have time to think about it, they will build up a defense, and you will not get through to them to resolve the issue.

Do not allow them to build it up in their minds, which will stress them out anyway, which in itself may cause problems. Tell them what it is about and just start talking about it so that it can be resolved without excuses and defenses.

We are supposed to be there for each other, not accuse or blame each other, but rather to work together on a problem that needs to be resolved.

Do Not Assume

Most of the time, assumptions are the reason why a problem can not be resolved without a lot of issues. Assuming that a person is feeling a certain way or will react a certain way is never a good thing.

You are assuming the worst, so you come into the conversation prepared for the worse. Thus, you might not have an open mind.

For some pinterest inspiration on the steps in this article check out this page.


Keep in mind that all people have feelings. We do not want to be hurt by our spouses, so we must try not to hurt them, either. Do not talk down to your spouse, or they may just retaliate when it seems that you are humiliating them.

Whenever you sit down with your spouse, see the person in front of you and not the problem so that you can have an open mind. For more mindset tips for your relationship check out this article or read the review of Brad Browning’s program Mend the Marriage below.

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