When you get into a relationship, you think that this will be the best thing ever. You and your partner will have a wholesome, fulfilling relationship where you will have mutual respect, love, and trust. Honestly, that is amazing, and we hope that you continue working towards making it that. Sometimes, though jealousy in a relationship can pop up and derail all those good feelings.
The first thing to realize is that jealousy is a very common human experience. But if it leads to other emotions such as anger, anxiety, or depression, then there are steps you can take.
While it is pretty natural to experience all emotions, jealousy is one of the negative emotions that you must deal with before it triggers overpowering moods and casts a dark shadow over the relationship between you and your partner.
Why Is There Jealousy In A Relationship?
Psychologists have tried researching why humans get jealous. Many studies show that jealousy is negatively correlated with self-esteem. If you have low self-esteem, it is likely to affect your relationship if you become jealous of your partner. Your critical inner voice sows seeds of self-doubt and suspicion that eventually projects into your relationships.
Therefore, you should recognize your feelings of jealousy, know where they are coming from, and separate them from your partner at the earliest before it causes any irrevocable harm. This is a hard pill to swallow, but nobody else can do it other than you.
Self-reflect When You Think You’re Jealous Of Your Partner
When feelings of insecurity, mistrust, and jealousy take off in your heart, try to be impartial and think where these feelings are coming from.
Are these mirroring your internal conflicts or unfulfilled past desires? Were any of your last relationships traumatic—some that would make you distrustful of your partner? Did you have an unfortunate childhood where you were not given attention and love? Are you unconsciously thinking that it is happening again? Do you feel your partner is ignoring you?
This check is quite important, as it puts things into a better perspective. A thorough self-reflection gives better clarity about whether your negative emotions have anything to do with your partner’s actions or if it is a consequence of your inner battles. Find more about sex, love, and jealousy here.
Ways To Deal With Your Jealousy
One of the first significant things to deal with any negative emotion is to realize that you are feeling it. Avoiding it will only aggravate it. There will come a time you will no longer be able to hold it inside and explode. Therefore, learn to cope with it using the following ways.
1. Acknowledge Your Emotions
First things first, acknowledge that you are feeling this way. Secondly, think about what images, sensations, and thoughts accompanies this feeling. When was the first time you thought it, and what was the trigger? Does that trigger connect to something in your past—a childhood memory, a past relationship experience? The clearer you are about the origin of this emotion, the better you will be able to tackle it.
2. Calm Down And Help Yourself
If you know that your partner is not doing anything that would make you jealous, and it’s only your inner concerns and experiences which are causing you jealousy, it is better that you remind yourself about this when you’re jealous and angry.
Remind yourself that this is a personal problem, and only you could solve it. Lashing out, having unrealistic expectations of your partner, and putting restrictions on them will not help. Instead of getting angry in a moment of heat, try to calm yourself down.
It is better that you leave at that instant, maybe go for a walk, and then return when your head is in a more positive space. This is advice that many couples who have shared decades together can vouch for. You can find such valuable insight and guidance from marriage experts online here.
3. Never Act Out
If you speak when you are jealous and angry, you will not communicate your inner turmoil and will only confuse and hurt your partner. Moreover, punishing your partner for a crime they did not even commit will make them distant from you. They might become closed off and hesitate to share things with you in the future.
This may not seem like a big thing, but it is immensely significant. One-sided jealousy could grow into mutual distrust and lack of communication. What is there in a relationship if there is no communication and trust?
4. Become Secure In Yourself
You need to realize that your worth is not attached to any other individual. While your partner may make you better, you are still complete and wonderful without your partner. Like every person, you have flaws and limitations, and at the same time, you have some fantastic qualities that make you, you.
Your worth is not reduced if any other person comes in that may look better than you. There may always be a person who is more good-looking than you, funnier than you, or at a better position in their career than you, so you have to become secure in what you are and try to only compete with you. Your peace of mind and the safety of your relationship lay in that.
5. Seek Help
If you think that keeping your emotions to yourself and dealing with them on your own is not helping, consider talking to someone. We all have a friend that we go to when we need empathy and advice, right? Go to that friend and pour your heart out. They might push you in a direction that you did not think of. Perhaps, just talking to them and venting out may help you.
Moreover, if you think that talking to your partner about your jealousy could be helpful, you can do that. Each relationship is different, and you understand yours best. If you think being vulnerable and communicating with your partner would help you, it is best to do that.
However, consider seeking therapy if you do not want to confide in a friend or your partner. A professional will give you strategies and ways to deal with your jealousy more healthily. If you are hesitant to consult a psychiatrist, you can use some advice from marriage gurus who share their words of wisdom online.
Jealousy is an emotion that has the potential to destroy your relationship. Therefore, you should have the emotional maturity to recognize it when it takes roots and learn to deal with it before it worsens. We hope that the ways we have shared help you deal with your jealousy in a healthy way.