Getting into fights with your significant other is inevitable. When you’re in a relationship, getting into fights is something that just happens.
If you are in a relationship and haven’t gotten into a fight yet, you can consider yourself lucky; realistically speaking, it’s just a matter of time before you do.
That being said, just because you get into a fight doesn’t mean that the relationship has to be over. In fact, here is how to heal a relationship after a fight and make your relationship stronger in the process.
Some arguments can be pretty bad. Things that shouldn’t be said are uttered in anger, and sometimes items get thrown.
However, it’s not the fight itself that defines the relationship, but how you and your partner handle yourselves after it’s over.
Today, we will discuss how to heal a relationship after a fight and the steps you need to take to get your relationship back to a good place.
How to Heal a Relationship After a Fight
1. Take a Breather
The first thing is to take a step back, take a few deep breaths, and take a bit of a timeout. If possible, this is something that both people should do in the middle of, not after the fight.
It’s best to take a step back and take a few minutes to collect yourself before you say something that you cannot take back.
Moreover, if you are in a rage over something, chances are that you won’t be thinking clearly and that you will say things that you wish you hadn’t.
Trying to solve an argument while both parties are still angry and frustrated makes things worse, not better.
Before you can start healing the relationship, both parties need to be calm and in the right frame of mind to engage in rational and reasonable problem-solving.
If you still feel angry, drink hot tea, do some breathing exercises, and don’t talk to your partner until both of you have calmed down. For more ideas you can read about steps to take right after a fight here.
2. Thaw the Tension
The next step is to defuse the tension, such as an apology or extending an olive branch. The situation will improve if one party is willing to take partial responsibility and is ready to start the mending process, even at the cost of ego or pride.
Remember, just because you are the first to apologize does not mean that you are taking sole responsibility for the argument or whatever caused it.
It shows that you are willing to take the first step to resolve the problem. It shows that you are also hurt and want to get back to the good times, and it might just buy you a couple of brownie points.
Something like “I am sorry I misunderstood what you meant,” or even a warm hug can go a long way in relieving some of the tension. You first need to cut through some of the tension before you and your partner can get to solving the issues.
3. Listen and Acknowledge
One of the biggest problems during a fight is that nobody listens to the other. If you have an argument and your partner feels like you aren’t listening or paying attention to their feelings, it will worsen.
Just think about how you feel when you are angry and when people don’t listen to you when you try to explain why you feel that way. It doesn’t feel good.
If you expect to make things better with your partner, you have to show that you care about their feelings and listen to their side.
On a side note, a marriage counseling or self-help program known as “Mend the Marriage” does an excellent job of explaining this aspect of getting past a fight.
One thing that you can do here is to repeat things back to the partner, such as “I know that I hurt when I said XXX,” or “I know that you are mad at me because of XXX.”
If you expect to get to the root cause of the argument, you first need to validate your partner’s feelings. They need to feel that you are listening to them and that you y care about why they are mad in the first place.
4. Make Your Point Without Assigning Blame
One thing that always sets arguments into overdrive is when you say something like “I hate it when you ….” or “you always do xxx.”
Although you may technically be right, assigning blame to others is never a good way to solve an argument. In fact, the only thing this does is make the situation worse. Simply put, nobody likes to be blamed.
When it comes to resolving a fight, you don’t just want to give in and forget why you were mad or hurt. Sweeping it under the rug and acting as if your own feelings don’t matter will only result in feelings of resentment.
Therefore, tell your partner how you feel, but without assigning blame. Instead of starting a statement with “You,” start it with “I.” “I feel” will produce better results than “You always.” Blaming people does nothing but trigger their natural self-defense mechanism.
5. Go Back to the Original Problem … Was it Really Why You Were Fighting?
Once everybody has calmed down and is willing to participate in a civil discussion, the next step to healing a relationship after a fight is to go back to the root of the problem.
After all, an argument cannot be resolved if the cause of the fight is not resolved.
Were you and your partner really fighting about not putting your dirty laundry in the hamper where it belongs? Or was there a deeper underlying cause, with the laundry hamper just being the spark or catalyst that finally set the argument ablaze?
If you can solve the underlying issue, then that same argument is much less likely to happen again in the future.
6. Find a Mutual Solution
Now that both parties are calm and have aired their grievances, the next step is to find a practical solution that suits both.
Of course, this is the most challenging part—coming to a solution that both parties are happy with. What it really all comes down to is good communication and respect.
To solve the problem and ensure that you don’t have the same fight again, both people will have to take the appropriate steps or actions. This will take some work, as finding mutual solutions to specific problems is often why fights happen in the first place.
If you need help healing your relationship after a fight, a counseling and help program such as “Mend the Marriage” may help you.
7. Consider Alternatives Such as Counseling
Suppose you and your partner cannot find a mutual solution. In that case, the final option is to seek outside help, such as a couple’s or marriage counselor. If the two of you can’t find a solution, perhaps a professional can.
If you follow the 7 steps outlined above, you and your partner can heal your relationship. Above all, remember that these things often take time.
Rome wasn’t built or destroyed in a single day, and neither are relationships.