Trust is an extremely fragile thing. It takes months or even years to build up a good level of trust with somebody.
It can take years of being with somebody to really trust them, and in a sense, this is what marriage is—one very long trust-building exercise.
Although it can take months or years to build, that trust can be totally wiped away with a single act.
Betraying your spouse or cheating with someone else is all it takes all the trust that has been built between the two of you. After something like this happens, it may spell the end of the relationship.
Many people cannot get over having their trust broken in such a horrible way.
With that said, marriages are often stronger than we would like to admit; we are human, and we can forgive.
Wondering how to rebuild trust in a marriage? If you have a marriage on the rocks and lack trust, you have come to the right place. We will discuss rebuilding trust in a marriage.
Rebuilding Trust in a Marriage – The Two Sides
Suppose you are in a situation where you need to rebuild trust in your marriage, most likely. In that case, one party is the offender, and the other is the victim.
One of you cheated, and the other was cheated on. Therefore, when it comes to rebuilding trust in a marriage, there are two sides to consider. Let’s take a look at each.
The Offender – You’ve Lost the Trust of Your Partner
Let’s take a look at how you can start rebuilding trust in your marriage if you are the person who caused the issue.
If you plan on rebuilding trust in your marriage, you need to take responsibility for what you have done. If you cannot take responsibility and admit you are wrong, there is no way for the healing process to start.
If you expect trust to be rebuilt and if you hope your partner will forgive you, you must first be willing to look in the mirror and admit that you are in the wrong.
Moreover, you need to make it clear to your partner that you know that you are in the wrong. Admitting that we are wrong is not something we easily do. Still, in this case, if you expect to save the marriage or relationship, it is necessary.
More than just taking responsibility, honesty is another critical factor in rebuilding trust in a marriage after a betrayal. If you are the one in the wrong, you need to be honest about why you did it.
After all, you cannot hope to start rebuilding trust if you are not honest about not only what you did but why you did it.
If your partner can understand why you did something, especially for understandable reasons, rebuilding trust becomes easier.
Your partner needs to know why you did something if you hope to have them forgive you. Your partner also wants to know if they were in any way at fault or if there was anything they could have done to prevent the situation that occurred.
If there is any hope of rebuilding trust in a marriage, communication is vital. All of the cards need to be clearly laid out on the table for everybody to see. Here, both parties need to communicate, not just the offender.
Change Your Behavior
If you want to rebuild trust in your marriage, one of the biggest things you need to do is change your behavior.
You cheated on your partner or did something else to lose their trust. If you expect to get their trust back, you obviously need to stop what you were doing.
If your partner doesn’t trust you because you lied about having an affair, then continuing that affair obviously won’t help.
If you are not actually willing to change yourself for the better, there is no hope of rebuilding that trust. You need to stop doing the thing that ruined the marriage in the first place.
Take Your Spouse’s Feelings to Heart
Another important thing is to really listen to your partner. Merely rattling off excuses and apologies won’t do you any good.
Your partner needs to know that you are taking their feelings into consideration and that their feelings really matter. You need to make clear that their feelings take precedent.
Give it Time
One of the most important things you can do to rebuild trust in a marriage is giving it time. If you betrayed the trust of your partner, you can’t expect them to get over it in just a few days or even a few weeks. As you can learn in the “Mend the Marriage” program, this kind of thing takes time.
Make a Big Effort
Finally, in some cases, making a significant effort—a really grand gesture may be required. Simply put, big problems and big mistakes sometimes need big solutions to make things right.
The Victim – You’ve Been Betrayed
Rebuilding trust if you are the victim of the betrayal is much more challenging. Forgiving others is never easy, especially for a big betrayal. That said, there are some things you can do to start the healing process.
If you hope to forgive your partner for whatever they did wrong, you first have to understand why they did what they did. Was there a reason why your partner betrayed you? What condition was the marriage in before the betrayal occurred?
Is there a chance that your actions led to this betrayal? Working on understanding why something happened may be able to provide you with some answers and solace. You won’t move on if you can’t understand the underlying reasons for an action.
Communication is key in any relationship. If you need to forgive your partner, you need to tell them exactly how you feel, why you think that way, and what you need them to do to mend the situation.
You cannot hope to rebuild trust in a relationship if you do not give your partner the opportunity to do so.
The other important thing that you need to do is, to be honest with yourself. If it is a serious betrayal, you may not ever trust that person again. This is perhaps the most essential takeaway today.
You need to figure out whether you want to continue the relationship at all. If you were seriously betrayed, it is OK to just walk away from the situation.
Rebuilding trust in a marriage is possible, but you also need to ask yourself if it is the right thing to do.
Whether you are the betrayer or the victim, there are ways to rebuild trust in a marriage. That said, both parties need to be willing to work on the problem. It takes two to restore trust in a marriage.