How to Rekindle Love After Many Years of Marriage

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Do you feel that the initial fire between you and your partner has died down? The passion or any newness is no longer there in your relationship? Sure, you’re incredibly comfortable with your spouse, but you don’t feel “in love” anymore? If this is the case, then don’t worry, as you’re not alone to feel this way.

When you start a new relationship, be it romantic or platonic, the newness excites you. The curiosity to know all the different compartments that the other person conceals within them fuels the relationship with a fiery spark. However, when the newness wears down, and familiarity settles in, it gets quite monotonous.

If you think your marriage has reached the stage where you need some oomph to rekindle the love, worry not, as we have compiled a list of eight easy ways you can do so. Follow these simple ways to bring newness to your relationship and bring back that initial spark.

1. Revisit Your Beginning

First of all, you must understand that what you felt in the initial days of your marriage is difficult to sustain. The butterflies in your stomach and the heart-eyes you felt looking at your spouse were because of your hormones. As time passed, feelings of infatuation and fantasies were replaced with intimacy and connection.

Of course, with both of you falling into your routines and getting occupied with work and then babies, monotony takes over. As much as “being in love” all the time is not possible, you can rekindle the initial spark by revisiting your beginning. Sit down together and reminisce your early days: your first meeting, your first expression of love, the proposal, the special day, and many such significant memories.

Better yet is to visit these places if you can. Physically being at the place and reignite all the memories that place holds. It could be the push that makes you realize that you are still with the person you fell madly in love with, and that realization could reignite a dominant spark.

2. Use Your Natural Energy to Your Advantage

Remember that you are not just a parent, a caretaker, or an employee. You are an individual with your own unique traits that made your partner fall in love with you.

Reflect on your last few years. Have you and your partner sacrificed your individuality to set into the roles assigned to you? You likely have. Regain the energy that you had, as it was what attracted your partner to you. That earlier confidence, that aura, and that charm could very well evoke the old spark.

3. Express Love Verbally

As time passes, partners are likely to take each other for granted. The frequent confessions of love become infrequent and then rare, as they think that the other person already knows, so what’s the point of expressing their love through words anyway? If this is what you and your partner have also fallen into, change it for the better.

However many years have passed in your marriage, expressions of love are always needed. Say it out loud to your partner that you love them and can’t imagine your life without them.

If you prefer to write, a cute way to express your love is through sticking notes on the mirror saying that you love them. Or things like, “Will be waiting for you to come back from work,” “Drive safely,” and I love you.”

4. Show Love and Care

One of the biggest mistakes that married couples make is thinking that the other person knows that you love them and care for them. Just like verbal declarations of love are needed, you must show your spouse that you care for them.

Iron their clothes before a meeting. Make their favorite meal when you know they have had a bad day at work. Feed them when they are not feeling well. Send them reminders of things that are important to them in case they forget.

These may sound like simple, insignificant things, but constant small acts are likely to have a tremendous positive impact on your relationship.

5. Get Your Hearts Racing Together – Literally

Research has shown that adrenaline increases attraction (which is why you feel an adrenaline rush and endorphins for love during the initial days).

Get that adrenaline rush again, and it could actually lead to you being attracted to your partner again. Think of any adventurous activities that you can do together.

What about bungee-jumping or paragliding? If these aren’t your thing, why not go to an amusement park and have all the fun. It could be anything that you both are interested in and that makes your heart pumping super-fast!

6. Do Away with Grudges

If you’re holding a grudge against your spouse, this is the time to let go of that resentment. Now that you have decided to rekindle the love you have for each other, allowing negativity to dwell in the space that love could prosper in is foolish.

Both of you are humans, with your own sets of flaws. Over your married journey, you both must have made some mistakes and errors that your partner may still feel resentful about.

Sit together and write down each resentment that you have on a piece of paper. Then, take all of them and burn them in the fire, vowing to yourself that you’ve freed your souls with the burden of these grudges and resentments. Freeing yourself from all the negative feelings is extremely important for moving forward.

7. Remove Sex From the Table

For those couples who have had rocky marriages, the decision to rekindle their love and nurture their relationship may need extra effort.

For them, the pressure to have sex may be too much. If you feel this is the case, you and your partner could decide to put sex off the table until you both are comfortable.

8. Or Decide if You Want to Step Up Your Sex Life

While some couples may feel overwhelmed with the idea of having sex immediately, others may look forward to reigniting physical intimacy. Discuss with your spouse what they want and come to a mutual decision.


It is understandable and quite normal that married couples lose the spark that their relationship had during the initial days of their marriage. If you have decided to rekindle the love in your marriage, start with these eight easy steps.

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