Trust issues? Divorce. Financial problems? Divorce. Conflicts? Divorce.
Shocking statistics reveal that almost fifty percent of marriages in the USA end up in divorce.
We live in a consumer-driven society where everything seems to be irreplaceable with a tap on our smartphone, including relationships.
A lot of people see divorce as a quick fix for a failing marriage, but divorce isn’t the only answer.
Let’s explore the questions to ask spouse to save marriage and strengthen your relationship.
- Questions To Ask Spouse To Save Marriage
- 1. Are You Happy? Why or Why Not?
- 2. What Are Our Main Problems?
- 3. What Issues Are Most Important?
- 4. Do You Think Our Marriage Changed? Why?
- 5. Am I the Spouse You Thought I’d Be? Why or Why Not?
- 6. How Do You Feel About Our Marriage?
- 7. What Bothers You Most About Me?
- 8. Do You Trust Me?
- 9. How Can I Regain the Trust?
- 10. Is There Someone Else?
- 11. Do You Feel You Can Communicate With Me?
- 12. Have I Crossed the Line?
- 13. Are You Satisfied With Our Intimacy?
- 14. Do You Have Issues With Our Financial Roles?
- 15. What Were Your Expectations of Me?
- 16. Do We Have the Same Value System?
- 17. Do You Want a Divorce?
- 18. Would You Consider Counseling?
- 19. Are There Past Conflicts We Should Resolve?
- 20. Have We Tried Everything?
Questions To Ask Spouse To Save Marriage
Below are 20 expert-recommended questions that can help you have a healthier relationship.
1. Are You Happy? Why or Why Not?
When a person is no longer happy about their marriage, things begin to slump.
Unhappiness can have many reasons and you need to figure them out.
Ask your spouse why they feel unhappy with the marriage.
Maybe your spouse thinks you’re no longer spending time together.
Maybe you both stopped enjoying little things or having fun together.
It’s important to check in with your spouse to understand what they currently feel about your relationship.
This is a great starting point to addressing pitfalls in marriage.
2. What Are Our Main Problems?
Often, the things that matter most to a spouse may seem insignificant to the other.
You might think there is no problem in your marriage or none “too big” that warrants a discussion.
However, it may not be the reality for your spouse.
Sometimes, overfamiliarity can step in the way and make it difficult for couples to notice that something is going on in their relationship.
Don’t wait for your partner to tell you what’s wrong.
Be proactive in asking about the main issues your marriage is facing.
3. What Issues Are Most Important?
Among the concerns your spouse raised, find out which ones require the most attention.
It’s also important to express your sentiments so both of you can prioritize the issues that require immediate attention.
Also, do note that many times, simple things can lead to major problems.
Everyday conflicts like who should take the kids to school or keeping the house clean may seem insignificant, but they can pile up and cause severe stress on both of you.
At this point, it’s a brilliant idea to sit together and make a plan.
Talk about the steps you both need to take to improve your relationship.
4. Do You Think Our Marriage Changed? Why?
Married couples go through so many things together, such as victories, losses, laughter, and crying moments.
They all can change both spouses’ perspectives and behavior.
Many situations and events can change the course of marriage too, such as a death in the family, financial difficulties, and infidelity.
Ask your spouse why they think your marriage changed and what specific events or situations have led to it.
This might be a great opportunity to deal with past conflicts that have not been resolved yet.
5. Am I the Spouse You Thought I’d Be? Why or Why Not?
Asking this question gives you insights into your spouse’s expectations of you.
Maybe your partner misses the person you were once, a jolly, positive, sweet, and caring spouse.
Maybe they feel they can no longer depend on you. A healthy marriage is where both people support each other.
6. How Do You Feel About Our Marriage?
Both of you need to assess your relationship at the moment.
Maybe you can ask your spouse to rate the quality of your marriage from one to 10 and then ask why they rated it that way.
Many couples forget to check on each other, thinking that everything is fine until a major argument drops like a bomb.
7. What Bothers You Most About Me?
Marriage is all about accepting each other’s flaws, insecurities, and weaknesses.
However, it doesn’t mean spouses should tolerate unhealthy behaviors or patterns that hurt each other’s feelings.
You should ask about what specific traits, behavior, or things you often do that bother your spouse.
Resolving conflicts start with acknowledging and taking responsibility for our faults.
8. Do You Trust Me?
Trust issues are red flags in marriage. If not resolved early on, they can lead to major conflicts that may be very difficult to mend.
Trust is central to any relationship, so both of you should work hard to keep it.
If your spouse doesn’t trust you, ask him or her why.
Addressing the root cause of trust issues can save your marriage from a divorce.
9. How Can I Regain the Trust?
Rebuilding trust is not easy, but it can be done.
After finding out the reason, ask your spouse what you can do to regain the trust.
It may seem awkward but learn to talk about your feelings and share your reasons for what you did, without justifying your mistakes.
Then, ask forgiveness and explain why you will never do it again.
Lastly, give your spouse a chance to tell you what they need to do to regain trust.
10. Is There Someone Else?
One of the most common reasons for divorce is infidelity.
If your spouse started considering divorce, find out if there’s someone else.
If there is, ask what was lacking in your relationship that led them to develop feelings for someone else.
It could be that your spouse lacks attention from you and found it from someone else.
While it doesn’t justify cheating, knowing the reason helps you understand why your marriage has gotten to this point.
11. Do You Feel You Can Communicate With Me?
A lack of communication can spell “disaster” in marriage.
Many couples are unaware that every problem can be fixed if each person will stop talking and listen to the other.
If you can’t talk to each other about serious matters without feeling angry, yelling, or arguing in the end, it’ll be hard to navigate solutions to your marriage problems.
Thus, taking steps to improve communication in your marriage, such as dealing with communication barriers, is indispensable to resolving marital conflicts.
12. Have I Crossed the Line?
Ignoring boundaries can be detrimental to a relationship, as it destroys mutual trust.
It’s natural for people to change their partner’s behavior or fundamental beliefs.
Unfortunately, for your spouse, it can feel like a personal invasion that could trigger defensiveness or even anger.
It can also make a spouse feel suffocated in the marriage.
As such, you should always check if your spouse feels that you are ignoring his or her boundaries.
13. Are You Satisfied With Our Intimacy?
There are many reasons why couples lose interest in sex.
They could include medical problems to emotional issues and stress.
It can be challenging to want intimacy when your partner feels emotionally distant.
Discussing emotional issues is a key to addressing intimacy problems.
You may also explore different ways to reignite the romance in your relationship.
14. Do You Have Issues With Our Financial Roles?
“Love don’t cost a thing”, so goes a popular song. That’s true.
Still, financial concerns remain a major concern among married couples.
Disagreements about money are inevitable in a marriage.
Both of you must be in sync when it comes to your financial goals.
You should discuss and agree on how to handle finances.
15. What Were Your Expectations of Me?
Take time to sit with your spouse to find out if you have met their expectations.
Expectations are a person’s beliefs about the way things will be or should be.
Every one of us has expectations about nearly everything, including our spouses.
Discussing expectations is difficult no matter how long you’ve been married.
If left unaddressed, the disappointment a person experiences can grow into bitterness and anger.
16. Do We Have the Same Value System?
Conflicts in religion, disciplining children, and handling finances are among the most common concerns.
It’s important to talk things over and try to see where they’re coming from.
Reconciling differences in marriage is never easy, but it’s an essential element to happiness and satisfaction.
17. Do You Want a Divorce?
Divorce is a tiring, inexpensive process.
It’s a solution best reserved for couples who have tried everything else to fix their marriage but none seemed to help.
You need to be sure that your spouse is ready for it because it’s hard to turn back once that decision has been made.
18. Would You Consider Counseling?
Your spouse might be hesitant to discuss his or her concerns.
In that case, ask them if they are willing to work out your marriage issues with the help of counseling.
Counseling promotes a good opportunity for couples to recognize and resolve conflicts.
With the help of a trained professional, both of you can make thoughtful decisions about rebuilding and strengthening your relationship.
You can learn to work through disagreements, improve your emotional and physical connection, and understand each other on a deeper level.
19. Are There Past Conflicts We Should Resolve?
Many people choose to deal with conflicts passively, sidestepping the potential explosiveness of the issue.
Instead, they give subtle hints, through humor or sarcasm, to let their partner know that they are unhappy.
Resentments are hard to deal with, and they often trigger dissatisfaction and loneliness in marriage.
Furthermore, past issues that are left unresolved can backfire, so do check in with your spouse if there have been issues in the past that you both haven’t dealt with yet.
20. Have We Tried Everything?
Again, there are many ways to save a failing marriage.
Every couple’s situation and circumstances are different.
After finding out the reason for your mounting marriage problems, it’s time to talk about your options.
If you haven’t tried everything, there might still be a chance to save your marriage.
Both parties should be willing to work on the problem, to begin with.
Divorce isn’t the only solution for a failing marriage.
Understanding the problem starts with asking the right questions.
There are many questions to ask spouse to save marriage and understand where they’re coming from.
Again, communication is key.
If you can be honest about each other and listen to one another, you’ll realize that it’s possible to revive your marriage, no matter how difficult things have been.